We've been gathering these little tidbits from folks all over the world for years. If you know of any more good ones that aren't on this list, please drop a note in the mailbox..

  • You know how may bales of hay your wifes car will hold.

  • Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.

  • All of your four letter words have two syllables

  • You think that 10-12 lbs on the side of the pampers box means the capacity.

  • You have more than one first name.

  • You've ever flipped your riding lawnmower.

  • Your kids have 3-day-old Kool-Aid stains.

  • You have ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle.

  • You know all about cow-tipping

  • Your house has wheels and your cars don't.

  • Your front porch collapses and you kill more than six dogs.

  • You have ever used lard in bed.

  • You think potted meat and saltines is an hors-d'oeuvre.

  • You considered a six pack of beer and a bug-zapper quality entertainmet.

  • Less than half of the cars you own run.

  • Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the state patrolman to kiss her ass.

  • The primary color of your car is bondo.

  • You honestly think women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tounge gestures.

  • Your family tree doesn't fork.

  • Your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.

  • You have ever hollered "Rock the house, Bubba" at a piano recital.

  • Your mother has ever been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.

  • You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.

  • The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas tree lights.

  • You regularly answer the question, "What have you been doing lately?" with "Partying"

  • Your brother-in-law is also your uncle.

  • The rear tires of your car are twice as wide as the front ones.

  • You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.

  • You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.

  • The diploma hanging in you den includes the words, "Trucking Institute".

  • Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.

  • You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.

  • You think Dom Perignon is a "Mafia Leader".

  • The most common phrase heard at your family reunion is "What the hell are you looking at shithead?"

  • You think beef jerky and moon pies are two major food groups.

  • You think Campo-Phenique is a miracle drug.

  • You have more than two brothers named Bubba and Junior.

  • Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the Lube Rack.

  • You think Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.

  • You think the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.

  • You've been too drunk to fish.

  • You have a rag for a gas cap.

  • You had a toothpick in your mouth when your wedding pictures were taken.

  • You've ever used a weed eater indoors.

  • Your life time goal is to own a fireworks stand.

  • Your bicycle has a gun rack.

  • You own more than three shirts with the sleeves cut off.

  • You've ever been blacklisted from a bowling alley.

  • Your Junior-Senior Prom has a day care center.




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(Except some stuff that has been stolen, borrowed, or otherwise inadvertently used.)